1 00:00:02,903 --> 00:00:05,839 * Men. 2 00:00:05,906 --> 00:00:10,010 No... No, Charlie. 3 00:00:10,078 --> 00:00:11,612 It's mine. 4 00:00:11,679 --> 00:00:13,047 What? 5 00:00:13,114 --> 00:00:14,848 Give it back. 6 00:00:14,915 --> 00:00:15,949 Ow! 7 00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:19,019 Mom! Charlie hit me! 8 00:00:19,087 --> 00:00:21,955 Oh, okay. 9 00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:23,891 Consuela, Charlie hit me. 10 00:00:23,957 --> 00:00:26,026 Ow! 11 00:00:26,094 --> 00:00:29,097 Mom, Consuela hit me. 12 00:00:29,163 --> 00:00:32,333 God. Here we go again. 13 00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,736 I'll run away, then you'll be sorry. 14 00:00:35,803 --> 00:00:38,806 Ow! Mom, Charlie's making me hit myself. 15 00:00:42,110 --> 00:00:43,711 Hey. What are you doing up? 16 00:00:43,777 --> 00:00:45,946 Your brother's talking in his sleep again. 17 00:00:46,013 --> 00:00:47,515 No kidding. what about? 18 00:00:47,581 --> 00:00:50,184 Some childhood dream about you making him hit himself. 19 00:00:50,251 --> 00:00:53,321 What childhood? That was last week. 20 00:00:54,222 --> 00:00:55,823 Sports Center? 21 00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:58,859 Yeah. I'm making my picks for tomorrow's games. 22 00:00:58,926 --> 00:01:00,228 Really, Charlie? 23 00:01:00,294 --> 00:01:02,330 Taking the points against Georgetown? 24 00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:03,397 No. 25 00:01:03,464 --> 00:01:04,965 If you want to throw your money away, 26 00:01:05,032 --> 00:01:07,401 why don't you just get married without a prenup. 27 00:01:08,502 --> 00:01:10,704 You know something I don't? 28 00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:13,040 So far this year, Georgetown's covered the spread 29 00:01:13,107 --> 00:01:14,375 eight times out of ten. 30 00:01:14,442 --> 00:01:17,044 Wow, you bet college basketball? 31 00:01:17,111 --> 00:01:19,213 Only idiots bet college basketball. 32 00:01:20,181 --> 00:01:21,382 No offense. 33 00:01:21,449 --> 00:01:23,351 Then how do you know all this stuff? 34 00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:25,119 I worked for a sports book in Vegas. 35 00:01:25,186 --> 00:01:26,387 Then I opened my own little business 36 00:01:26,454 --> 00:01:28,489 in the back of a candle shop in Sherman Oaks. 37 00:01:28,556 --> 00:01:31,659 I always wondered how those places stayed in business. 38 00:01:31,725 --> 00:01:34,662 Yeah, so did the IRS. 39 00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:36,930 So they nailed you for running a book? 40 00:01:36,997 --> 00:01:39,133 No. They nailed me for running a candle store 41 00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:41,269 that made a quarter of a million dollars a year 42 00:01:41,335 --> 00:01:43,404 without selling one freakin' candle. 43 00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:47,308 Okay, so no on Georgetown. 44 00:01:47,375 --> 00:01:49,910 Does Alan know about this? 45 00:01:49,977 --> 00:01:51,312 He knows about the candle store. 46 00:01:51,379 --> 00:01:53,080 Let's just keep the other part between us. 47 00:01:53,147 --> 00:01:57,117 Yeah, he's kind of prissy about moral stuff like gambling. 48 00:01:57,185 --> 00:01:57,951 Yeah, he is. 49 00:01:58,018 --> 00:01:59,320 And drinking. 50 00:01:59,387 --> 00:02:00,821 Well, that's only because when he drinks, 51 00:02:00,888 --> 00:02:02,956 he gets all weepy and then he pukes. 52 00:02:03,023 --> 00:02:04,425 And whoring. 53 00:02:04,492 --> 00:02:06,560 No, he doesn't have a moral problem with that. 54 00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:09,029 He's just cheap and he likes to cuddle. 55 00:02:09,096 --> 00:02:13,100 Well, don't worry-- your sordid gambling past will be our secret. 56 00:02:13,167 --> 00:02:15,869 I'm glad to know I can trust you. Well, of course you can. 57 00:02:15,936 --> 00:02:18,506 Hey, I never told him about your little soft-core film career. 58 00:02:18,572 --> 00:02:20,441 Oh, God. 59 00:02:20,508 --> 00:02:22,743 You saw Cinnamon's Buns? 60 00:02:22,810 --> 00:02:26,214 Not all the way through. 61 00:02:28,382 --> 00:02:30,218 Although I am very familiar with 62 00:02:30,284 --> 00:02:32,486 the bakery shop scene in the middle. 63 00:02:33,554 --> 00:02:35,556 You know, with the frosting gun? 64 00:02:35,623 --> 00:02:38,192 I was 19, I needed the money. 65 00:02:38,259 --> 00:02:40,694 They promised me it would be tasteful. 66 00:02:40,761 --> 00:02:42,663 It looked very tasteful. 67 00:02:42,730 --> 00:02:44,765 And delicious. 68 00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:47,335 Yum, yum. 69 00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:49,403 Glad to hear you enjoyed it. 70 00:02:49,470 --> 00:02:51,339 Oh, yeah. Although I don't think you were well-served 71 00:02:51,405 --> 00:02:52,172 by the screenplay. 72 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:53,641 What screenplay? 73 00:02:53,707 --> 00:02:55,909 There was just a greasy little guy behind the camera 74 00:02:55,976 --> 00:02:57,611 saying, "Do this, do that. More frosting." 75 00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:01,749 It's kind of weird. In some way, 76 00:03:01,815 --> 00:03:04,952 you and I have more in common than you and my brother. 77 00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:08,822 All right, let's take something off the table right away. 78 00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:10,591 What's that? My ass. 79 00:03:10,658 --> 00:03:12,560 That's not what I was getting at... 80 00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:14,595 Seriously, Charlie, in spite of my past, 81 00:03:14,662 --> 00:03:17,231 I'm just a nice little Valley soccer mom now. 82 00:03:17,298 --> 00:03:19,467 Whoa, whoa, whoa, soccer mom? 83 00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:21,635 Your kid's a babbling pothead. 84 00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:23,337 He played soccer when he was ten. 85 00:03:23,404 --> 00:03:24,805 He scored two goals. 86 00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:25,806 In one game? 87 00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:26,707 In one season. Shut up. 88 00:03:26,774 --> 00:03:28,642 The point is, 89 00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:30,444 I am way past guys like you. 90 00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:32,580 What do you mean guys like me? 91 00:03:32,646 --> 00:03:34,648 I mean guys that I have to dip in ammonia 92 00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:36,384 before I'd let them anywhere near me. 93 00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:38,752 Oh. Those guys. 94 00:03:40,288 --> 00:03:41,889 Well, as long as we're being honest, 95 00:03:41,955 --> 00:03:44,425 I'm perfectly happy with the way things are between us. 96 00:03:44,492 --> 00:03:46,327 Besides, you're really good for Alan. 97 00:03:46,394 --> 00:03:47,795 Thank you. Yeah, yeah, no, 98 00:03:47,861 --> 00:03:50,498 y-you're, you're smart, you're strong, 99 00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:54,635 you're self-sufficient, and he's, well... not. 100 00:03:54,702 --> 00:03:56,670 I think you underestimate your brother. 101 00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:59,039 It's not an estimate. I already got the bill. 102 00:03:59,106 --> 00:04:02,042 You'll see, one of these days he's gonna surprise you. 103 00:04:02,109 --> 00:04:04,845 And one of these days I'm gonna die of liver failure. 104 00:04:04,912 --> 00:04:06,914 Want to lay odds which happens first? 105 00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:08,115 (laughing) 106 00:04:08,181 --> 00:04:10,984 Good night, Charlie. Good night. 107 00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:13,921 Ammonia? 108 00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:15,856 Am I that skeevy? 109 00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:16,924 Yes. 110 00:04:18,692 --> 00:04:21,629 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 111 00:04:21,695 --> 00:04:24,798 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * * Ooh 112 00:04:24,865 --> 00:04:27,735 * Men, men, men, men, manly men * * Ooh * Ooh 113 00:04:27,801 --> 00:04:29,837 * Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ohh, ooh-ooh... * 114 00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:32,673 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 115 00:04:32,740 --> 00:04:35,776 * Ooh * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 116 00:04:35,843 --> 00:04:40,514 * Ah. * Men. * Men. 117 00:04:45,085 --> 00:04:46,987 * Men. 118 00:04:47,054 --> 00:04:48,556 Morning. Morning. 119 00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:49,757 Did Lyndsey leave yet? 120 00:04:49,823 --> 00:04:51,525 No. Why? 121 00:04:51,592 --> 00:04:54,795 No reason. Just trying to keep track of who's in my house. 122 00:04:54,862 --> 00:04:57,130 Don't worry, she's leaving very soon. 123 00:04:57,197 --> 00:05:00,033 I'm not worried. 124 00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:01,769 You not so much. 125 00:05:01,835 --> 00:05:03,136 Thank you. 126 00:05:03,203 --> 00:05:05,038 That never ceases to be funny. 127 00:05:05,105 --> 00:05:07,708 Ah, cinnamon buns! 128 00:05:14,047 --> 00:05:15,383 How did you know? 129 00:05:15,449 --> 00:05:16,550 I bought them. 130 00:05:16,617 --> 00:05:18,486 Oh, right, cinnamon buns. 131 00:05:18,552 --> 00:05:20,253 Who doesn't love cinnamon buns? 132 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:21,989 Charlie! 133 00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:23,123 What, what, what? 134 00:05:23,190 --> 00:05:24,291 Alan bought cinnamon buns. 135 00:05:24,358 --> 00:05:25,426 With frosting. 136 00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:29,530 Oh. 137 00:05:30,398 --> 00:05:31,632 Yum. 138 00:05:34,535 --> 00:05:35,869 All right, honey. 139 00:05:35,936 --> 00:05:37,104 I'll see you later. 140 00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,105 Oh. I'll call you after work. 141 00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:39,573 See ya, Charlie. 142 00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:41,742 Hey, Lynds, has your son picked a college yet? 143 00:05:41,809 --> 00:05:43,076 Uh, no. Why? 144 00:05:44,244 --> 00:05:45,613 Well, I was just wondering 145 00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:48,081 if he were to choose between say... 146 00:05:49,450 --> 00:05:51,852 North Carolina and Kentucky... 147 00:05:53,421 --> 00:05:55,556 ...which one would you encourage him to pick? 148 00:05:55,623 --> 00:05:57,425 Keeping in mind that as an out-of-state resident, 149 00:05:57,491 --> 00:05:59,393 Kentucky is two-and-a-half times more expensive. 150 00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:04,665 I'd still go with Kentucky. It's a better school. 151 00:06:04,732 --> 00:06:06,166 Interesting. 152 00:06:06,233 --> 00:06:08,368 Well, I hope he gets in. 153 00:06:08,436 --> 00:06:10,303 Thanks. Bye. 154 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:12,172 Bye. 155 00:06:12,239 --> 00:06:14,174 What was that all about? Hmm? 156 00:06:14,241 --> 00:06:16,977 Since when do you care about her kid's education? 157 00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:18,078 Young people are our future, Alan. 158 00:06:18,145 --> 00:06:19,580 I care about them all. 159 00:06:19,647 --> 00:06:22,249 Oh, please. The only young people you care about 160 00:06:22,315 --> 00:06:25,719 are sliding down a pole to grab dollar bills out of your mouth. 161 00:06:25,786 --> 00:06:29,590 Those aren't dollar bills-- those are 20s. 162 00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:32,460 And when did you become such a cynic? 163 00:06:32,526 --> 00:06:33,894 And when did you become so interested 164 00:06:33,961 --> 00:06:35,529 in the comings and goings of my girlfriend-- 165 00:06:35,596 --> 00:06:37,230 or what her kid's up to? 166 00:06:37,297 --> 00:06:38,265 Whoa, whoa, chill. 167 00:06:38,331 --> 00:06:39,700 No, no, I will not chill. 168 00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:41,935 And what was all that about liking having her around? 169 00:06:42,002 --> 00:06:43,671 Nothing. I like having her around. 170 00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:45,806 Yeah, but around what? 171 00:06:45,873 --> 00:06:47,040 Excuse me? 172 00:06:47,107 --> 00:06:50,444 I think when you say "around," you mean under. 173 00:06:50,511 --> 00:06:52,480 Don't go down that road, Alan. 174 00:06:52,546 --> 00:06:54,582 Oh, oh, why shouldn't I go down that road? 175 00:06:54,648 --> 00:06:56,884 Is it slippery when wet? 176 00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:59,419 Are you out of your mind? What's gotten into you? 177 00:06:59,487 --> 00:07:02,590 Oh, I think a better question would be what's gotten into you? 178 00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:04,992 I mean, who have you gotten into? 179 00:07:05,058 --> 00:07:07,595 Alan, Alan, listen to me very carefully. 180 00:07:07,661 --> 00:07:09,797 I have not had sex with your girlfriend. 181 00:07:09,863 --> 00:07:11,331 Oh, so it's still in the planning stages. 182 00:07:11,398 --> 00:07:12,733 No. But you do want her? 183 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:14,502 No. Why not? What's wrong with her? 184 00:07:14,568 --> 00:07:17,037 Nothing. She's terrific. 185 00:07:17,104 --> 00:07:18,706 So you do want her! 186 00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:20,641 Alan, believe me, when it comes to Lyndsey, 187 00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:22,976 you have absolutely nothing to worry about. 188 00:07:23,043 --> 00:07:25,779 Uh-huh, uh-huh. That's what you said about Wendy Freidman 189 00:07:25,846 --> 00:07:27,314 and Kathy Bell and Amy Driskell. 190 00:07:27,380 --> 00:07:28,749 Who? 191 00:07:28,816 --> 00:07:30,751 They're all girls that you stole from me. 192 00:07:30,818 --> 00:07:31,819 What are you talking about? 193 00:07:31,885 --> 00:07:32,886 I never stole anybody from you. 194 00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,822 (laughs) Wendy Freidman. 195 00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:36,524 Sixth grade, Halloween party. 196 00:07:36,590 --> 00:07:37,758 I went to get her punch. When I came back, 197 00:07:37,825 --> 00:07:39,527 you were bobbing for her apples. 198 00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:41,795 Innocent fun. 199 00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:43,764 Oh... Kathy Bell, ninth grade. 200 00:07:43,831 --> 00:07:44,732 I brought her home to work on our science project. 201 00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:46,266 I went to the bathroom. 202 00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:48,502 When I came back, you were teaching her French. 203 00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:50,871 Harmless horseplay. 204 00:07:50,938 --> 00:07:52,906 Amy Driskell, sophomore year. 205 00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:54,708 First girl who let me get to second base. 206 00:07:54,775 --> 00:07:56,677 All right, her I nailed. 207 00:07:56,744 --> 00:07:59,246 Wait, wait, wait. You nailed her? 208 00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:02,082 Everybody nailed her. That was her thing. 209 00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:03,817 It took me six months 210 00:08:03,884 --> 00:08:05,285 just to touch her right boob! 211 00:08:05,352 --> 00:08:08,155 Wow, you really missed the signals, didn't you? 212 00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:09,022 What signals? 213 00:08:09,089 --> 00:08:10,090 Well, in my case, 214 00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:11,759 it was her taking off her sweater 215 00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:13,393 and saying, "Quick, do me before Alan gets back 216 00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:14,695 from his trumpet lesson." 217 00:08:19,232 --> 00:08:21,902 Clarinet. I didn't have the lip for trumpet. 218 00:08:21,969 --> 00:08:24,071 Apparently, you didn't have the lip for Amy Driskell, either. 219 00:08:26,039 --> 00:08:28,642 But all that was a long time ago. 220 00:08:28,709 --> 00:08:30,711 You're with Lyndsey now, and what's important 221 00:08:30,778 --> 00:08:32,980 is that I wish you both a long and happy life together. 222 00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:35,282 Really? From the bottom of my heart. 223 00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:38,185 Okay. 224 00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:39,319 Thank you. 225 00:08:39,386 --> 00:08:41,789 You're welcome. 226 00:08:43,323 --> 00:08:45,258 Though I'd still like you to move out. 227 00:08:45,325 --> 00:08:47,761 Got it. 228 00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:51,198 Soon. 229 00:08:51,264 --> 00:08:52,265 Right. 230 00:08:55,903 --> 00:08:58,138 No, I guess that's about it. 231 00:09:00,340 --> 00:09:01,842 Amy Driskell. 232 00:09:01,909 --> 00:09:05,145 "No, Alan, I'm saving myself for Jesus." 233 00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:08,248 * Men. 234 00:09:08,315 --> 00:09:09,482 (knocking on door) 235 00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:11,785 Come on in. 236 00:09:11,852 --> 00:09:12,886 Hey. 237 00:09:12,953 --> 00:09:15,288 Wow, the place looks great. 238 00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:16,757 Doesn't it? 239 00:09:17,858 --> 00:09:19,760 Even better than before I accidentally 240 00:09:19,827 --> 00:09:21,895 almost burned it to the ground. 241 00:09:21,962 --> 00:09:24,031 Yeah. 242 00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:25,365 You're welcome. 243 00:09:25,432 --> 00:09:26,934 Come here. 244 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,669 I want to give you something. 245 00:09:28,736 --> 00:09:30,303 Oh. Fooling around? 246 00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:31,705 On the new couch? 247 00:09:31,772 --> 00:09:33,340 Get your mind out of the gutter. 248 00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:34,341 I haven't Scotchgarded yet. 249 00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:36,343 Oh. 250 00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:37,310 Here. 251 00:09:37,377 --> 00:09:38,879 A house key? 252 00:09:38,946 --> 00:09:41,081 Uh-huh. For this house? 253 00:09:41,148 --> 00:09:43,817 Maybe we're not ready to move in together, 254 00:09:43,884 --> 00:09:45,719 but I want you to feel like you can come and go 255 00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:46,787 without checking in with me. 256 00:09:46,854 --> 00:09:49,056 Wow. Wow. Thank you. 257 00:09:49,122 --> 00:09:52,492 In a lot of ways, this isn't just the key to your house, 258 00:09:52,559 --> 00:09:54,728 it's the key to your heart. 259 00:09:54,795 --> 00:09:57,731 Don't gay it up. 260 00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:01,601 Now listen, I'm thinking of having 261 00:10:01,669 --> 00:10:02,903 a housewarming party next Saturday. 262 00:10:02,970 --> 00:10:04,071 Great. What can I do? 263 00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:05,338 You can help me with the guest list. 264 00:10:05,405 --> 00:10:06,506 Okay. 265 00:10:06,573 --> 00:10:08,108 What would you say about inviting 266 00:10:08,175 --> 00:10:10,077 Judith and Herb? My ex-wife? 267 00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:11,444 They live right across the street, 268 00:10:11,511 --> 00:10:13,013 and Herb is always so sweet to me. 269 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:14,648 That's because every time Herb looks at you, 270 00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:16,784 he's pretending you're wet and naked. 271 00:10:16,850 --> 00:10:18,819 All right. Fine. I won't invite him. 272 00:10:18,886 --> 00:10:20,654 It would probably just upset Judith anyway. 273 00:10:20,721 --> 00:10:21,922 Yeah, you're right. 274 00:10:21,989 --> 00:10:24,091 You know what? Let's invite them. 275 00:10:24,892 --> 00:10:26,526 Take the high road. 276 00:10:26,593 --> 00:10:28,528 All right. What about Berta? 277 00:10:28,595 --> 00:10:30,030 Oh, no. I don't think so. 278 00:10:30,097 --> 00:10:31,699 Why not? She's kind of mean to me. 279 00:10:31,765 --> 00:10:33,266 Oh, honey. 280 00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:35,268 That's just 'cause she doesn't like you. 281 00:10:35,335 --> 00:10:37,604 Fine. Berta. 282 00:10:37,671 --> 00:10:39,072 And Jake. 283 00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:41,241 Oh, of course. Great. And Charlie. 284 00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:42,843 There it is. 285 00:10:42,910 --> 00:10:43,977 There what is? 286 00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:45,378 Charlie. Why do you want Charlie 287 00:10:45,445 --> 00:10:46,780 to come to your party? 288 00:10:46,847 --> 00:10:48,215 Why wouldn't I? When this place burned down, 289 00:10:48,281 --> 00:10:49,116 he took us in. 290 00:10:49,182 --> 00:10:50,617 He took me in seven years ago, 291 00:10:50,684 --> 00:10:52,753 and I don't feel a need to invite him. 292 00:10:52,820 --> 00:10:54,587 Oh, come on. 293 00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,356 He's a great guy. I really like him. 294 00:10:56,423 --> 00:10:58,458 Of course you do. All the women like Charlie. 295 00:10:58,525 --> 00:10:59,526 "All the women"? 296 00:10:59,592 --> 00:11:00,460 Wendy Freidman, 297 00:11:00,527 --> 00:11:01,594 Kathy Bell, 298 00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:02,595 Amy Driskell. 299 00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:03,630 Who? 300 00:11:03,697 --> 00:11:05,766 And now Lyndsey MacElroy. 301 00:11:05,833 --> 00:11:06,700 Oh, please. 302 00:11:06,767 --> 00:11:08,168 Charlie and I are just friends. 303 00:11:08,235 --> 00:11:10,303 Oh, no, no, no, my brother does not befriend women, 304 00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:11,604 he befouls them. 305 00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:14,674 Are you saying you don't trust me? 306 00:11:14,742 --> 00:11:16,276 Oh, no, no, no, I don't trust Charlie. 307 00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:18,178 For him, you're unexplored territory. 308 00:11:18,245 --> 00:11:21,014 At some point, he's gonna try and plant his flag in you. 309 00:11:22,215 --> 00:11:24,351 And when I say "flag," I mean his... 310 00:11:26,419 --> 00:11:27,788 ...flag. 311 00:11:27,855 --> 00:11:30,891 Okay, you're out of your mind. 312 00:11:30,958 --> 00:11:32,225 Yeah, well, be that as it may, 313 00:11:32,292 --> 00:11:33,894 I do not want you hanging out with my brother. 314 00:11:33,961 --> 00:11:35,729 I mean, you know, you can be courteous to him. 315 00:11:35,796 --> 00:11:36,930 You know, like, "Hey, Charlie, 316 00:11:36,997 --> 00:11:38,598 you got some vomit on your shoe," 317 00:11:38,665 --> 00:11:41,368 or, you know, "Hey, Charlie, do you need me to move my car 318 00:11:41,434 --> 00:11:43,804 so your hooker can park her pink Camaro?" 319 00:11:43,871 --> 00:11:46,073 Do you realize how insulting this is? 320 00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:49,109 You don't get to tell me who I can and can't be friends with. 321 00:11:49,176 --> 00:11:51,111 Hey, it's just Charlie. I gave you Herb and Berta. 322 00:11:51,178 --> 00:11:53,847 You know what, I made a mistake. 323 00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:56,183 Well, I forgive you. 324 00:11:56,249 --> 00:11:58,385 Give me my key back. 325 00:11:58,451 --> 00:11:59,652 What? Give it to me. 326 00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:01,121 Then how can I come and go? 327 00:12:01,188 --> 00:12:03,623 You can forget coming, you're just gonna be going. 328 00:12:03,690 --> 00:12:04,557 But I-I don't understand. 329 00:12:04,624 --> 00:12:06,093 We were doing so good. 330 00:12:06,159 --> 00:12:08,996 We were, then you started talking and spoiled it. 331 00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:11,464 Okay, okay, ju-just to clarify-- 332 00:12:11,531 --> 00:12:12,900 you're not as angry with me now 333 00:12:12,966 --> 00:12:15,102 as you were when I burned down your house? 334 00:12:16,970 --> 00:12:20,173 Okay, we'll talk after you've gained some perspective. 335 00:12:21,875 --> 00:12:23,977 * Men. 336 00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:27,981 * Men. 337 00:12:28,048 --> 00:12:29,649 Jake, Berta, let's go! 338 00:12:29,716 --> 00:12:31,118 Party train's leaving. 339 00:12:32,652 --> 00:12:34,454 That what you're wearing to Lyndsey's housewarming? 340 00:12:34,521 --> 00:12:35,688 I'm not going. 341 00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:36,689 Why not? 342 00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:38,058 She and I had a little argument. 343 00:12:38,125 --> 00:12:39,326 Aw, that's too bad. 344 00:12:39,392 --> 00:12:41,528 Jake, Berta, let's go! 345 00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:42,996 Charlie. 346 00:12:43,797 --> 00:12:45,398 If you do what I think 347 00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:48,535 you're gonna do, I swear to God I will never speak to you again. 348 00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,003 Oh, really? 349 00:12:50,070 --> 00:12:51,604 Then by all means, tell me exactly 350 00:12:51,671 --> 00:12:53,106 what you think I'm gonna do. 351 00:12:53,173 --> 00:12:54,975 You know what I'm talking about. 352 00:12:55,042 --> 00:12:56,810 All right, all right, 353 00:12:56,877 --> 00:12:59,112 I'm gonna run this down for you one last time. 354 00:12:59,179 --> 00:13:01,148 I have no interest in Lyndsey other than as a friend, 355 00:13:01,214 --> 00:13:02,615 and she has even less interest in me. 356 00:13:02,682 --> 00:13:03,650 I don't believe you. 357 00:13:03,716 --> 00:13:05,152 Okay, fine, you're right. 358 00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:06,920 I'm going over to your girlfriend's house, 359 00:13:06,987 --> 00:13:08,155 and I'm gonna do her right on the couch! 360 00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:10,157 No, you won't. Why not? 361 00:13:10,223 --> 00:13:12,425 Couch isn't Scotchgarded yet. 362 00:13:14,394 --> 00:13:16,763 Hey, Charlie, did you remember to get the housewarming gift? 363 00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:18,431 Jake's got it. Jake! 364 00:13:24,337 --> 00:13:25,205 Very funny. 365 00:13:25,272 --> 00:13:26,840 We thought so. (chuckles) 366 00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:29,109 How come you aren't dressed? 367 00:13:29,176 --> 00:13:30,643 He and Lyndsey had a fight. 368 00:13:30,710 --> 00:13:32,079 Oh. That sucks. 369 00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:33,380 See ya. 370 00:13:34,547 --> 00:13:35,482 So you're just gonna 371 00:13:35,548 --> 00:13:36,416 sit here all night? 372 00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:37,450 Oh, I'll be fine. 373 00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:39,186 Oh, I'm sure you will. 374 00:13:39,252 --> 00:13:42,222 But if you get bored, there's a load of laundry in the dryer 375 00:13:42,289 --> 00:13:43,756 you could fluff and fold. 376 00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,959 So you want me to do your job? 377 00:13:46,026 --> 00:13:48,428 Somebody has to. 378 00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:51,865 Well, I guess there's nothing 379 00:13:51,932 --> 00:13:55,602 left to say except you're an idiot. 380 00:13:57,470 --> 00:14:00,640 I may be an idiot, but at least I'm home by myself 381 00:14:00,707 --> 00:14:03,977 reading Moby Dick. 382 00:14:04,044 --> 00:14:06,179 Upside down. 383 00:14:08,815 --> 00:14:11,718 (dryer buzzes) 384 00:14:11,784 --> 00:14:13,921 Might as well. 385 00:14:16,156 --> 00:14:19,326 Maybe she'll like me better. 386 00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:21,561 * Men. 387 00:14:21,628 --> 00:14:22,562 Where's your friend Eldridge? 388 00:14:22,629 --> 00:14:23,696 He lives here, right? 389 00:14:23,763 --> 00:14:25,165 Yeah, he's hiding in his room. 390 00:14:25,232 --> 00:14:26,299 How come? 391 00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:28,668 He gets really paranoid when he's high... 392 00:14:28,735 --> 00:14:30,237 ...ding in his room. 393 00:14:30,303 --> 00:14:32,672 I just came to get him these snacks. Bye. 394 00:14:32,739 --> 00:14:35,008 Amateurs. 395 00:14:37,044 --> 00:14:38,178 Nice party. 396 00:14:38,245 --> 00:14:39,112 Thanks. 397 00:14:39,179 --> 00:14:40,914 So give me the lay of the land. 398 00:14:40,981 --> 00:14:43,250 You mean who in this land can you lay? 399 00:14:43,316 --> 00:14:44,884 If you will. 400 00:14:44,952 --> 00:14:46,886 All right. 401 00:14:46,954 --> 00:14:48,021 Hot redhead by the bar-- 402 00:14:48,088 --> 00:14:49,222 that's Wanda. 403 00:14:49,289 --> 00:14:50,790 Recently came out of a terrible marriage. 404 00:14:50,857 --> 00:14:52,492 Nice, nice. 405 00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:53,826 What else you got? 406 00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:56,463 Pretty blonde on the couch-- that's Terry. 407 00:14:56,529 --> 00:14:58,831 She divorced her husband to be a lesbian. 408 00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,767 How's that working out for Terry? 409 00:15:00,833 --> 00:15:02,602 See the dirty look she's giving Wanda? 410 00:15:03,870 --> 00:15:05,105 CHARLIE: Oh. 411 00:15:05,172 --> 00:15:07,107 I think I see an opening. 412 00:15:07,174 --> 00:15:08,942 And by that you mean...? 413 00:15:09,009 --> 00:15:10,944 I wasn't being subtle; I see an opening. 414 00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:13,146 (both laugh) 415 00:15:15,515 --> 00:15:16,383 I knew it. 416 00:15:17,784 --> 00:15:21,421 Anything good in my life, you have to take it away. 417 00:15:21,488 --> 00:15:23,790 "Oh, Charlie, you're so funny and so clever. 418 00:15:23,856 --> 00:15:25,292 "Why don't I lean forward 419 00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:27,961 so you can look down my dress and see my boobies?" 420 00:15:28,028 --> 00:15:31,264 "Why, thank you, I believe I will." 421 00:15:31,331 --> 00:15:35,835 "So do you want to have sex now or wait untill after the party?" 422 00:15:35,902 --> 00:15:37,404 "You don't mind that I'm carrying most, 423 00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:39,439 if not all communicable diseases known to man?" 424 00:15:39,506 --> 00:15:43,010 "Oh, no, Charlie, that's part of your charm. 425 00:15:43,076 --> 00:15:45,045 Come, take me on the couch." 426 00:15:45,112 --> 00:15:47,080 "Are you sure? It's not Scotchgarded." 427 00:15:47,147 --> 00:15:48,381 "No matter. 428 00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:51,084 We'll Scotchgard it with our love." 429 00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:58,591 Uh... 430 00:15:58,658 --> 00:16:00,460 Hello, Mr. Skunk. 431 00:16:02,262 --> 00:16:03,130 Don't be alarmed. 432 00:16:03,196 --> 00:16:04,964 Uh, I was just leaving. 433 00:16:05,032 --> 00:16:09,336 Uh, there's, there's certainly no reason to feel threatened. 434 00:16:10,503 --> 00:16:11,938 Good skunk. 435 00:16:12,005 --> 00:16:13,373 Nice skunk. 436 00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:14,941 (grunting) 437 00:16:15,008 --> 00:16:16,643 (gagging) 438 00:16:18,711 --> 00:16:20,680 Bad skunk! 439 00:16:20,747 --> 00:16:21,714 (gagging) 440 00:16:21,781 --> 00:16:23,650 (groaning) 441 00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:25,085 Oh, God, oh, God. 442 00:16:25,152 --> 00:16:28,321 (retching) 443 00:16:32,259 --> 00:16:34,327 Oh, God, oh, God. 444 00:16:36,229 --> 00:16:39,499 Who's out there?! 445 00:16:39,566 --> 00:16:40,567 Alan? 446 00:16:40,633 --> 00:16:41,601 Hey, Herb. 447 00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:43,370 Oh! Oh, wow! 448 00:16:43,436 --> 00:16:44,271 (gagging) 449 00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:45,972 Hope you don't mind. 450 00:16:46,039 --> 00:16:47,407 I got skunked. 451 00:16:47,474 --> 00:16:49,242 Oh, you sure did. Yeah. 452 00:16:49,309 --> 00:16:51,778 How come you're not at Lyndsey's party? 453 00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:53,113 Oh, well, I wanted to, 454 00:16:53,180 --> 00:16:55,014 but Judith came down with a sudden migraine. 455 00:16:55,082 --> 00:16:57,384 And by "migraine," I mean "bitch fit." 456 00:16:57,450 --> 00:16:59,486 Got it. 457 00:16:59,552 --> 00:17:00,220 How about you? 458 00:17:00,287 --> 00:17:01,788 Oh, Lyndsey and I 459 00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:03,356 had kind of a falling-out. 460 00:17:03,423 --> 00:17:06,193 'Cause you showed up smelling like a skunk? 461 00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:08,528 No, no. Long story. 462 00:17:08,595 --> 00:17:10,163 I got time. 463 00:17:10,230 --> 00:17:12,165 I-I think she's fooling around 464 00:17:12,232 --> 00:17:14,434 with Charlie behind my back. 465 00:17:14,501 --> 00:17:15,602 Charlie? 466 00:17:15,668 --> 00:17:16,969 That lucky duck. 467 00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:18,205 What? 468 00:17:18,271 --> 00:17:20,873 I said, that son of a bitch. 469 00:17:20,940 --> 00:17:22,409 Story of my life. 470 00:17:22,475 --> 00:17:25,545 Uh, Wendy Freidman, Kathy Bell, Amy Driskell. 471 00:17:25,612 --> 00:17:27,414 Amy Driskell? 472 00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:29,449 I lost my virginity to Amy Driskell. 473 00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:32,252 You're kidding. 474 00:17:32,319 --> 00:17:34,454 Never even had to ask. 475 00:17:34,521 --> 00:17:35,622 Aah! 476 00:17:35,688 --> 00:17:36,623 It was our first date. 477 00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:37,757 (groans) 478 00:17:37,824 --> 00:17:39,459 Never got out of the driveway. 479 00:17:39,526 --> 00:17:40,727 Aw! 480 00:17:40,793 --> 00:17:41,728 We weren't even in a car. 481 00:17:43,496 --> 00:17:45,998 Hey, you know what's good for getting rid of skunk smell? 482 00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:47,167 Tomato juice. 483 00:17:47,234 --> 00:17:48,501 Great. You got any? 484 00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:49,702 No. 485 00:17:50,737 --> 00:17:51,804 We might have some V-8. 486 00:17:51,871 --> 00:17:52,939 Think that'll work? 487 00:17:53,005 --> 00:17:54,174 Well, it sure doesn't taste 488 00:17:54,241 --> 00:17:55,575 like tomato juice, 489 00:17:55,642 --> 00:17:57,710 but you couldn't possibly smell any worse. 490 00:17:57,777 --> 00:17:58,878 Hang on. 491 00:17:58,945 --> 00:18:00,213 Oh! 492 00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:02,949 What else could go wrong? 493 00:18:03,015 --> 00:18:05,118 Of course. 494 00:18:05,185 --> 00:18:07,787 I'm standing in dog crap. 495 00:18:07,854 --> 00:18:09,489 * Men. 496 00:18:09,556 --> 00:18:11,691 I can't tell you how happy it makes me 497 00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:14,194 to bring two friends back together. 498 00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:19,699 Any better? 499 00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,969 Not really. 500 00:18:23,035 --> 00:18:24,871 Well, that's all the V-8. 501 00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:26,839 Want to try some ketchup? 502 00:18:26,906 --> 00:18:28,808 Why not? 503 00:18:30,143 --> 00:18:32,179 * Men. 504 00:18:32,245 --> 00:18:34,781 I found this in one of my son's shoes. 505 00:18:34,847 --> 00:18:36,783 (sniffing) 506 00:18:36,849 --> 00:18:39,519 Oh, yeah, I can get you better than this. 507 00:18:39,586 --> 00:18:42,121 That's what I was hoping. 508 00:18:42,189 --> 00:18:44,291 ALAN: Lyndsey?! 509 00:18:46,693 --> 00:18:47,794 Alan? 510 00:18:47,860 --> 00:18:48,861 What the hell are you... ? 511 00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:50,197 Whoa! 512 00:18:50,263 --> 00:18:51,864 Where is he? 513 00:18:51,931 --> 00:18:52,999 Where is who? 514 00:18:53,065 --> 00:18:54,467 What is that smell? 515 00:18:54,534 --> 00:18:57,570 Skunk, dog crap and ketchup. Oh. 516 00:18:57,637 --> 00:18:59,972 And don't try to change the subject. 517 00:19:00,039 --> 00:19:01,641 Where is my brother?! 518 00:19:01,708 --> 00:19:04,644 Well, he-he left about 20 minutes ago with two women. 519 00:19:04,711 --> 00:19:06,579 Really? 520 00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:08,047 Really. 521 00:19:08,114 --> 00:19:09,849 So-so you and he aren't... ? 522 00:19:09,916 --> 00:19:11,484 (sighs) 523 00:19:11,551 --> 00:19:13,753 That's what I've been telling you, you smelly fool! 524 00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:15,655 Wow. 525 00:19:15,722 --> 00:19:17,824 Guess we had nothing to fight about. 526 00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:18,891 (laughs) 527 00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:22,695 Hug? 528 00:19:26,333 --> 00:19:29,669 I'll call you. 529 00:19:34,941 --> 00:19:36,943 (airy laugh) 530 00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:38,378 You don't scare me. 531 00:19:38,445 --> 00:19:40,380 You already shot your load. 532 00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:44,384 (spraying) 533 00:19:44,451 --> 00:19:48,288 Although I suppose you could be a different skunk. 534 00:19:49,922 --> 00:19:53,726 * Men. 535 00:19:55,995 --> 00:19:58,231 So all I'm saying is, given my history, 536 00:19:58,298 --> 00:20:00,267 Alan's paranoia is not completely uncalled for. 537 00:20:00,333 --> 00:20:01,434 No, no, this wasn't paranoia. 538 00:20:01,501 --> 00:20:02,935 This was insanity. 539 00:20:03,002 --> 00:20:05,972 I know, I know, but... The man was covered in ketchup. 540 00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:08,841 (sighs) Well, to be fair, there was a time in your life 541 00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:10,510 when you were covered in frosting. 542 00:20:10,577 --> 00:20:12,312 It's not the same thing. 543 00:20:12,379 --> 00:20:14,881 I was putting myself through college. 544 00:20:14,947 --> 00:20:18,751 Look, all I know is that Alan really loves you. 545 00:20:18,818 --> 00:20:21,120 Now, if you ever repeat this, I will deny it, 546 00:20:21,187 --> 00:20:24,257 but my brother is about the most decent human being I know. 547 00:20:24,324 --> 00:20:26,225 Can't you just give him one more chance? 548 00:20:26,293 --> 00:20:28,127 Well, I suppose. 549 00:20:28,194 --> 00:20:29,296 (loud thud) 550 00:20:29,362 --> 00:20:30,697 I knew it! 551 00:20:33,433 --> 00:20:35,602 You bastard! 552 00:20:35,668 --> 00:20:37,604 You slut! 553 00:20:42,342 --> 00:20:43,643 So what do you say?